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Paul Carr's China Diary |
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October 19 In Xi'an.I'm in Xi'an now for a quick getaway break from Beijing. Too quick. Not enough time to get to see all the famous places here. Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I'm up and away to see the terracotta warriors. I'll put the photos up here as soon as possible. I came to Xi'an last night, arriving at Xian ying airport, I think it's called and then taking a bus into the city. The airport is 45 kilometers away. I'm staying in a nice hostel called the Shuyuan hostel right beside the Xi'an South gate.
Early this afternoon, I took a bike ride on the Xi'an wall. Then, I went to the Forest of Steles museum. I saw the Nestorian stele there which proves that Nestorian Christianity had arrived in China during Tang dynasty times. Later, apparently, the Tang dynasty outlawed Christianity and other creeds too and the fact that Christianity had arrived in China as early as the 7th century AD was lost because the stele was buried. Later, I think during the Ming dynasty times, the stele was recovered and/or re-discovered and put on display. Well, I guess, for me, it was just like any other of the 2,000 plus steles there, a stone with incomprehensible Chinese script on it. But, anyway, it was worth visiting.
After that, I dashed over to Little Lamb Tower, oh, I forged the name of the damn thing. Little Goat Tower? hmmm... Hm, What was it called? In Chinese pinyin, I think it's called "Xiao yan ta". Okay. I went there. Actually, it's a museum. I went inside, found the tower and climbed to the top from the inside. Cool. Then, I wondered around a bit and I saw a Museum and so I went in there. There, I was waylaid by these a**hholes who took me, like forced me!!, into this multimedia room to watch this video of the history of the "xiao yan ta" I wasn't interested but I had to cough up 10 rmb. I left after one minute of intense boredom and quickly went into the museum and had a quick look at some of the artifacts there on the first floor. Actually, I was in a hurry because I wanted to rush over to the "Da Yan Ta" in another part of Southern Xi'an. I left "Xiao Yan Ta" by the north gate and I was hoping to catch a f**king taxi but no f**king taxi would stop for me. :-( What the f**k??!! In Beijing, first thing in the morning, when I go work from Dongzhimen, I can get a taxi in 30 seconds on average. Here in Xi'an, virtually f**king impossible!!. Well, it was like nearly 5 o'clock and I was told later that the taxi drivers were "changing shifts" whatever the f**k that means. Anyway, after 10 minutes, it began to dawn on me I was wasting my time thumbing for a lift and waving my hand like an a**ehole. Oh, in fact, in f**king fact, there was an empty taxi, a guy got out and I dashed over but the lady driver inside waved me away, like what was she thinking? Go away westerner!! We don't like your spoiled kind here in pristine Xi'an. And, later, a guy also refused to take me when I told him I wanted to go to "Da Yan Ta". Oh, I remember what "yan" means. Goose!! Yes, Goose... Anyway, I walked back a bit and took a f**king bus, back to a point just near the Shuyuan hostel I'm staying and then, finally, after retiring to my hostel to fetch my backpack, I found the right bus to take me to "da Yan Ta" and, yes, I was f**king out of luck. The ticket office when I eventually found the f**king thing, was closed. Like, I walked around the wall surrounding the Big Goose Tower" the wrong way!! so I had walked a heft three quarters of the way around before I f**king found the entrance and I reckon it was just closing because people, wealthy westerners presumably, were coming out and the sign said that ticket office was open to 6 o'clock. I got there at about 5:55 I think and I saw no one at all in the ticket office. They skived off work early, damn it!!. Anyway, in consolation, at least I took a few photos of the tower and a picture of me and the tower together for posterity. I just hope I don't break my f**king camera in the meantime.
Anyway, after that part of my rushed trip, I took the bus back into town again. Another hefty walk, by the way, to the bus stop and the buses!! Oh my God!!! I'm trying hard not to take the Lord's word in vain.. Man, those buses are little and there are PACKED. The buses in Xi'an remind me of the buses in Harbin which I visited in January. Smallish, 10 year old plus buses maybe older than that but packed. I mean, the buses in Beijing are bigger and, on top of that, only half the people get on them in Beijing and they're packed!! But, the buses in Xi'an and Harbin are packeder. That's a new English word I have just christened into usage by the way. Try the Xi'an buses, people. I remember getting on one earlier today and I was surrounded by 6 or 7 youngsters, boys, and, well, I was thinking of my bum bag around my waste. I quickly readjusted it away from the boys. Man. My passport is in it....
Anyway.
So, I got back into the city and it was dark now. I went by the Bell Tower and the Drum Tower. I was thinking of going in, buying tickets for both for only 40rmb but I was anxious to check out the Muslim quarter and, boy, I wasn't disappointed. Amazing!!. Packed but lots of nice goodies. I ate some Muslim food there. What was the name of it? Yang rou... pao bo.. pao mo, or something. Basically, pieces of bread dripped in a soup containing lamb. It was nice. Then, I bought some souvenirs, a nice terracota warrior and a "sheng" or is it "xue qin" or is it "xun" because when I talked to different street venders today to ask about it, they each gave a different name for it. But, it seems to me to be a nice symbol of Xi'an. Apparently, this musical instrument was found in the nearly Neolithic site. what's it called? Hmmm. Nearby Xi'an. The site is like 6000 years old or something maybe more, predating Chinese civilisation. Pao bo? Hm. Anyway.
I tried to find the Great Mosque as well but, at first, it was damn difficult to find but, finally, I found it. And, it was closed of course, and the wall was so high that I couldn't even see it from the outside. Anyway, tomorrow morning, as stated, I'm going to go to the tomb of Shi Huang Qin, what's his name. Qin Shi Huang. yeah and then on to "bing ma yong", the terracotta warriors. I'm looking forward to it. Hopefully, by 12 o'clock I will be back in Xi'an city and I will check out the interior of the bell and drum towers and also check out the Great Mosque. I think it's got an interesting Chinese style, combining some middle eastern features. I'm looking forward to that. Xi'an of course is a historically fascinating city located at the end of the silk road of hostoric times and it has always had a large Muslim presense. My plan, at this minute, is then to take the taxi , an ordered one, back from Shuyuan hostel to the airport, Xianying airport at 4 o'clock tomorrow afternoon. I like to get to the airport nice and early to avoid any hiccups. Oh, that reminds of the near fucking disasters I had already getting to my flight in Beijing last night. It took so fucking long to get from my place of work in Haidian district to the airport. Again, no fucking taxi would stop for me. Finally, when I did get to the airport, whoa, I went to the wrong fucking airport, Terminal 3 instead of Terminal 2. I wanted to get to the airport with at least 2 hours to spare before my flight. That was what was recommended to me. In the end, it turned out to be only with 25 to 30 minutes to spare when I checked in, which, to my great relief, I was allowed to do. But, boy, I was fucking banging my head on the bus shuttle bus from Terminal 3 (that's the big one which I had mistakenly presumed was the right one to fly to Xi'an to Terminal 2 (the old main terminal before Terminal 3 opened). Fuck!!
Anyway, that's that. I have to say though, yeah, my trip to Xi'an is fucking rushed. But, it was worth it. :-). I'll do it again. Hmm, where next in the interior of China? Chengdu? Chongqing? Urumqi? Kashgar? Hey!! What about Lhasa? Hmm. I'm sure I will visit all these places in the course of time. I've been in China for, what is it, 2 years and 3 months or so, so, you know, I'll visit more places as time goes on. I'm glad I came to Xi'an these days because, you know, it has been on my to-do list since the start of the year, since after the spring festival and my extensive travelling I did at that time. I like travelling I guess. I can take photos, update my blog, combine the two. It's good. And, I love staying in hostels, like this one. People are nice. I'm blessed (except when a taxi doesn't stop for me).
Anyway, what else to write about [reviews what is written so far] Ah, nothing else really. I've had a good time and I'll upload the photos to the photo album as soon as possible.
Good night.
Paul October 12 Why should I put up with S**t? Why should I put up with s**t? I placed an ad on thebeijinger. On it, my name is written. And, yet, so so many times, I get e-mail replies from women who write things like, "Hi," or Hi there" and so on. Why should I write back to such crap like that? Clearly, they didn't read my ad. They just scanned a whole host of ads on thebeijinger for msn addresses which they then add and then they are, like, looking for English language practice. They didn't read my f**king ad and what my particular preferences are. I slightly amended my ad again this evening to make it clear, number 1, that my name is, indeed, Paul Carr. (not paulcarr1974) as one wrote, taking my name automatically from the thebeijinger messaging system. What's the point in trying to be interested in someone who isn't at all interested in you? Anyway, awwww, the crap I put up with. Paul, you dig yourself into these holes, my boy!!. Stop flagellating yourself. Tonight, I was tempted to write, "No Christians please" In fact, I did but, a minute later, I amended it. I come from a God-fearing background. My mother is very God-fearing. My sister was inducted into a God-fearing cult as a teenager. I'm affected too. Fear!!! What an inhibiting and life-denying emotion!!. The opposite of love!! of Love... What a pointless emotion Fear is!! This is one thing I like about China - by and large, they are free of Christiandom and other monotheistic religions. Great. But, I tell you, these Chinese "Christians". Oh, my God!!. You know, I have met a few on my date round this year and last year, let me tell you. They deliberately try to be as bad as (some) Christians back in the West. But, I doubt, they, with their Chinese background, in Communist China, have any idea of just how much fear Christianity, and the organised religion that goes with it, has put into the souls of ordinary Europeans and Americans as they have for centuries. If they knew, perhaps, they would have second thoughts about their own acquaintance with Christianity. I'm not naming names. But, I believe a lot of them adopt Christianity and the language of Christianity as a substitute for their own repressed sexuality, something they like to rationalize away. What they ought to be doing is m*************ing. [sighs]. I can't even be too serious on this blog service because, you know, msn spaces isn't a serious blog. I found that out to my cost last year over on my europeanpaulcarr msn blog when it was deleted twice. You know, I have said this to Chinese "Christians" already. It's okay to like the West. Fair enough. But don't worship the West. Don't think that Christianity is superior to any thought system you have in place in China or, indeed, your own individual thoughts and conclusions. Be proud of China, I say to them. Be proud of your great country which put on a great Olympic Games and has now sent a man on a moonwalk in Earth's orbit. Go China!! Paul Carr October 03 Updated my Ad again...I've changed my thebeijinger ad again. It now goes as follows:
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I'm a 34 year old single man living and working in Beijing. I was born on the 22nd of April, 1974. I live in Dongzhimen, in Beijing city. I am an English Language Teacher in Beijing. I think I'm about 174 cm tall . I'm from Ireland originally. I'm looking for a Chinese girlfriend in Beijing. I've been in Beijing for over 25 months now as of the 3rd of October 2008 and I love it here. I would like to make a new life for myself here. I'm a philosophical guy, I guess, with an interest in politics and world affairs as well as history. I try to do exercise every day, eat healthy food, lead a stress free lifestyle and, generally speaking, look after myself. I guess I am looking for a woman who prizes honesty. I keep blogs here (but I haven't updated them in a while. sorry about that): http://worldpaulcarr.spaces.live.com/?mkt=en-us My msn messenger address is worldpaulcarr@hotmail.com Please send me your photo.. Thanks for reading this...
******************************************* I'm just thinking that, hey, I'm looking for a girlfriend, not a friend, or friends. So, writing that I was seeking a friend or friends has a slight whiff of dishonesty about it. I'll probably won't get any responses but, hey, at least, I don't compromise my honesty in doing so. Actually, I want to write about this annoying woman who phoned me about 5 or 6 weeks ago after she saw my ad about looking for a girlfriend on thebeijinger. She told me she was a doctor. She told me that she read my ad on thebeijinger. My phone number was on the ad. And, anyway, I asked her if she would send me her photo. She appeared reluctant to do so. I pointed out to her that it wasn't fair because she saw my photos on my ad and on the linked blogs if she cared to check them out.. And, then, she goes.... "If you're serious about looking for a girlfriend, we can meet up.". Hey, lady, I don't think you're serious about looking for a boyfriend. Hey, you think you're great because you're a doctor? At one stage, she chastises me because the lady I happened to be with when she phoned me asked me what her job was and I told her. The doctor overheard and said, "Please, don't tell anyone my job." In hindsight, I should have hung up the phone then. In hindsight, I should have said, after she questioned my seriousness, something like, "Well, I don't think you're serious. You didn't read my ad. If you had read it you would have read that "at least one photo would be appreciated." And, then I would have hung up the phone. Instead, I put up with her shit. Oh well. Oh, so you're a doctor. What does that mean? Your integrity is beyond question? I don't think so. Our conversation kinda ended civilly. She told me that she would e-mail her photo to me... and she didn't. Actually, even if she did, I probably wouldn't have agreed to meet her and I probably have criticised her with a follow-up e-mail. She probably had sensed that and that's why she didn't reply. Gawd, what a b****h...:-D The annoying part of this conversation I had with her was the part when she had the nerve to say to me, "Please don't tell anyone my job." This was after I pointed out that she was being unfair because she had initially refused to send me her photo. Anyway, the point I'm making here is: I'm looking for a girlfriend and I am serious!! And I am not letting this "doctor" or anyone else suggest to me that I'm not serious. (*) Anyway, sorry for the incoherence. Written Enough for now. Paul (*) Okay, let me try again. What I find annoying is the f**king nerve of this b***h, questioning my honesty, "if you are serious about looking for a girlfriend". I wrote the ad. I suggest, lady, that you revise your negative attitude about men. September 30 Hi People...While it saddens my heart to do so, I am now thinking of deleting my europeanpaulcarr.spaces.live.com blog and just keeping this one. Msn spaces did me no favours by deleting it TWICE last year. I feel it's been violated. I think I'll focus on this one and hope for the best. I haven't updated my blogs in a while. Been working my arse off in recent months. Been exploited, I think, by my present boss. But, anyhow.
I think I'm reasonable healthy and happy. In Shanghai at the minute, my parsimonious boss has allowed me a week holiday. He calls it "the long holiday". Gracious of him. Had to work Saturday and Sunday to get it though.
Anyway, I updated my ad on thebeijinger. I changed the title from "Looking for a girlfriend" to "Looking for friends".
Anyway, the ad goes as follows:
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[addition]I wrote previously that I was looking for a Chinese girlfriend but I have now decided to change the title and content a little bit because I don't want you all to think I'm too serious. I don't want to descend into too much schmaltzy sentimentality...[/addition] I'm a 34 year old single man living and working in Beijing. I was born on the 22nd of April, 1974. I live in Dongzhimen, in Beijing city. I am an English Language Teacher in Beijing. I think I'm about 174 cm tall . I'm from Ireland originally. I'm looking for Chinese friends in Beijing. I've been in Beijing for over 25 months now as of the 30th of Septmber 2008 and I love it here. I would like to make a new life for myself here. I'm a philosophical guy, I guess, with an interest in politics and world affairs as well as history. I try to do exercise every day, eat healthy food, lead a stress free lifestyle and, generally speaking, look after myself. I guess I am looking for a woman who prizes honesty. I keep blogs here (but I haven't updated them in a while. sorry about that): http://worldpaulcarr.spaces.live.com/?mkt=en-us My msn messenger address is worldpaulcarr@hotmail.com Please send me your photo.. Thanks for reading this... ******************************************************** Anyway, hope to hear from you... Thanks for reading this. In Shanghai now for a bit of a break. Actually, the only reason I have come here is to buy one of those nifty oriental pearl tower rotating thingmeagigs which you can turn a multicoloured light and it looks away cool at night thing.. I'll buy two just to be on the safe side. The first one I bought back in February was broken by this f**king technician who had come to my apartment to fix my lights. Well, he couldn't see and he bumped into it and smashed it to pieces. So, I had to bid goodbye to my oriental pearl tower thingmeagig. As soon as I get a new one, I'll upload a photo of it here to give you an idea of what I'm talking about and to give you an idea of scale. Man, it's great. But, maybe, as I'm in Shanghai, maybe, I should be going out to nightclubs and enjoying the nightlife. At 34, I'm still, you know.... Anyway... My Chinese friend bought me a ticket yesterday evening to Shanghai from Beijing. We couldn't get any train tickets so we settled for a plane ticket instead. I went to the old hostel I stayed at before and, lo and behold, they had a room and I booked it for two nights. Halleluyah... Anyhooo. Thanks for reading this. Why is that I haven't updated in a while? My life was so boring? Maybe. Maybe, it was the natural of what I was writing or the way I was writing. Previously, when I wrote, it was like I was just writing down a splurge of hate and prejudice and childish anger and temper-tantrum. It gets tiring, man. You know what I mean. Please people, if anyone knows what the f**k, I am talking about, please leave a comment. It would be great to find a kindred spirit!!. Ah, a bit of a headache these past few days. I'm okay... You know, I think I have a tendency to dwell too much on myself. I worry too much!!! I'm fine...
June 22 StuffI'm looking for my mummy... What's wrong with that? I'm far away in
Asia, far away from my home country of Ireland. I'm looking for my
Asian Mummy. To look after me....  Paul More Reflections You know with all this paranoia which I have written about in the past few posts, I get tired of it. I hope it's not true. But, I fear and believe that sometimes paranoia can and is indeed true. I can tell you that fear and paranoia is so so tiring, disabling. That reminds me of a film I saw recently. K-Pax. One of the characters there, perhaps, kinda reminds me of me. It's Ernie in the film, played by the Actor, Saul Williams... Here's a photo of him below with Prot, played by Kevin Spacey.  Ernie is, you know, completely afraid. Initially, he's afraid to go outside the psychriatric institute because he fears the germs. At night, he had difficulty sleeping. He had to have his hands tied because, I guess, he fears that he may try to accidentally strangle himself. It's terrible. How inhibiting and disabling fear is. Paul, don't live in fear. Towards the end of the film, Ernie is miraculously cured. His friend, Howie, goes over to him one night and tied a rope around his neck and strangles him. Ernie is absolutely helpess and is powerless to resist, his front hands are tied after all the way he likes it when he's sleeping or trying to sleep. As soon as Ernie loses consciousness, his friend, Howie, rushs him over to the hospital where Ernie is revived. The next morning, Doctor Mark Powell talks to Ernie. Ernie is so so happy. He feels free and liberated. Rather than be angry with Howie, he's grateful to him. Howie's action makes him realise that life is indeed a lottery, that one should enjoy each day as if it's your last. Be free as a bird. Don't be so scared. But, I guess, don't be reckless either. After this event, Ernie wants to enjoy life to the full... It's not confirmed in the film but it would appear that it was Prot who told Howie to do this as the second of his 3 tasks. But, that's not clear. ********************************** Maybe what I'm going through life now is a challenge. I'm now living with a woman,first time in my adult life. It isn't easy, at 34, to change the old habits of the lifetime, living by myself, and, unbeknownst to myself, living within a prison of fear, afraid to step outside of it. Is that it? Maybe, maybe. I hope so. So, in that case, it's a question of facing my fears, stepping outside my comfort zone, and doing something, engaging in behaviour I have never done before.... Paul Carr | ||||||||||||||||||||||
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